"The Sloop Big Hake" 
(to the tune of "The Sloop John B" by the Beach Boys or whoever) 

We come on the sloop Big Hake 
With Stiiv, Spinn, Jack and Jake 
Around Diamond arch we did roam 
Drinking all night 
Got into some fights 
Well, I feel so blown up -- 
I wanna go blam! 

Chorus: 
So hoist up the Big Hake's sail 
Put men on bilge and carp, 
Call for the captain, "I'll gun, 
Let me go blam. 
I wanna shoot ships, BLAM BLAM! 
I wanna shoot ships! 
Well, we've got our cannon, 
I wanna go blam." 

The First Mate he got drunk 
And his swordfighting sure stunk 
The crew's damsel had to come and plank him away 
"He's gone," said the lass, 
"From asset to ass." 
Well, we've got our cannon -- 
We still can go blam. 

(chorus) 

The Navigator could steer 
Shooting brigand ships in the rear 
And avoiding whirlpools and gusts of wind like a pro, 
We all felt the shock 
When he hit a huge rock, 
Well, at least our cannons 
Had done lots of blam. 

(chorus) 

The Bilge Rat was pretty fab 
'Till his arm got bit by a crab, 
You could hear him howling in pain throughout the whole land, 
We mopped up the leaks, 
Though the cabin floor reeks, 
With our loaded cannons, 
We still can go blam. 

(chorus) 

The gunner kept the guns filled, 
And no gunpowder was spilled, 
But her shout of "SCUP!" from the hold surprised the whole crew, 
Her cries shook the walls, 
"There's no cannonballs!" 
With four shots remaining, 
We're gonna go blam. 

(chorus) 

The Carpenter missed his nails 
And hammered down a few sails 
So we put him down on the pumps to give him a break, 
The next thing we knew, 
The hold was full, too, 
So that was the end of the journey for the Big Hake. 

(chorus)