King of Pain
To the tune of "King of Spain" by Moxy Fruvous
(New lyric-smooshing by Deanna Rubin)


Once I was the King of Pain (now it's my soul up there)
Oh, that unseeable little blackspot (now it's my soul up there)
I'm telling you, I was the King of Pain (now it's my soul up there)
And now my cat's in the highest treetop.

1 2 3 4!

Nature's wrath, sure was a telepath
Finding me trapped in a spider's webbing, or freezing waterfall bath
Or trudging through a gale, like a suddenly beached blue whale
Fossilized stone in a high-up cliff wall, trapping it in a metal pail.

Once I was the King of Pain (now it's my soul up there)
A horrendous downpour, that was my place (now it's my soul up there)
I'm telling you, I was the King of Pain (now it's my soul up there)
And now I run circles in my brainspace. (Once he was the king of Pain)

I came out to hear all the peasants shout, my people say:
"King, why do you have no eyeballs?"
"There's a blind man up there--"
"And shadows of doubt!"
It's really sad, I think they wish I was dead
Let's give golden couches to rich men
And make skeletons choke on cookies and bread.

Once I was the King of Pain (now it's my soul up there)
Hey nature, hey people, got answers? You phone me. (now it's my soul up there)
I'm telling you I was the King of Pain (now it's my soul up there)
Now I'm asking you to please just dethrone me! (Once he was the king of Pain)

Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you the sounds of crazy 80's music with 
incomprehensible lyrics!

(random keyboard solos)

Now some of you might be wondering how I came to be suffering so much and
stuck in this realm of pain. Should I tell them, guys?

Tell us, King!

You see, one night, when the forest was asleep
Out of my tree of wisdom, and into the real world I creep
And I wait until the appointed time when rain is hitting the mud
At which point my lover dear, who just dumped me clear
Arrives, and tells me I'm crud!

Prince of sadness, monarch of madness
World no longer giving me gladness
Sorrow is never done right, hiding me from all my sunlight
So next time you're thinking of me and mine
Remember how I'm failing these trials 
The King of Pain never smiles!

Once I was the King of Pain (now it's my soul up there)
I was looking for ways to make my suffering cease (now it's my soul up there)
I'm telling you I was the King of Pain (now it's my soul up there)
And now I'm jamming with Sting and Police! (Once he was the king of Pain) 





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Again, this is a companion piece to "King of Spain" -- this time, it is the
storyline and metaphors of the song "King of Pain" by the Police, but set to
the tune of "King of Spain" by Moxy Fruvous.  Hope you enjoyed them :)

Originally inspired by Bridget Spitznagel on zephyr.  Encouraged by Jason
Goodman on Puzzle Pirates.