"Haren Tonight" To the tune of "Karen by Night" by Jill Sobule (new lyrics by Deanna "Marinerd" Rubin) (inspiration: the 06/14/2006 Mariners-A's game) Haren, he's a pitcher for Oakland He plays for the crowd on 66th Avenue We come in late from Berkeley on the BART train Haren's in warmup, right before game time But we like him, he's fun but approachable Really cool hair, sort of like Eckersley We ask him, "Hey, come sign my new baseball hat," And Haren, he never declines So we came to see Haren tonight Imagine he must give the batters a fright With just a ball and a glove by his side He's starting today, so let's cheer for Haren tonight Seventh inning, sitting near the dugout, I overheard Ken Macha talking on the phone He said, "Is Halsey there? Make sure he's warming up I'm not letting Dan go on alone" Well, I didn't know what to think Was he done for the night? Was the pitch count for Haren a little high? I sat right there On the edge of my chair As he retired the side And we all saw Haren tonight His slider breaks out under the moonlight It crosses the plate and is called for a strike Beating out Joel Pineiro, Haren tonight Saw him run into the trouble in the top of the first, He had the bases loaded with nobody out. But he got a double play and a strikeout, He was doing all right. Then he went for six more innings And surrendered no more runs He missed a couple bats And was backed by great defense He passed a hundred pitches And they took him out, but all night all we could talk about was Haren tonight The next morning, I blog as usual Haren's start fresh in my memory I sing with a smile, "Why, that game was swell, I hope you watched last night." Haren tonight Imagine he must give the batters a fright With just a glove and a ball by his side We love when he plays so we're cheering Haren tonight The slider breaks out under the moonlight It crosses the plate and is called for a strike Beating out Joel Pineiro Cooler than Kiko Calero I wish they could all be like Haren tonight Beating out Joel Pineiro Not that it's hard to beat Pineiro with the way he sucks now... Haren tonight