My Baby's in love with Harry Potter
(To the tune of "My Baby's in love with Eddie Vedder", by Weird Al)
(written by Deanna Rubin)

Oh, my baby, my baby she don't want me no more
Ever since she saw the covers in that big book store
She says the scar on his forehead is really sexy 
She thinks he's so darn magical he causes epilepsy
She likes his wild black hair and his wide-eyed look
Yeah, he's her very favorite wizard orphan in a book

Well, my baby's in love with Harry Potter
She's all crazy bout that Harry Potter
Once she was mine, but now the Rowling fad has got her
'Cause my baby's in love with Harry Potter

Now, every time I read these books, they seem so sad
I guess it really must suck to lose your mom and your dad
What a pain in the butt for him to find out he's rich
Spending all his time casting spells and playing Quidditch
But my girl can't get enough of his inner struggle 
Like he's some tortured genius
and I'm some kinda Muggle

Well, my baby's in love with Harry Potter
She's got a thing for that Harry Potter
Now in the children's books section you can spot her
Oh, my baby's in love with--
I said I said I said my baby's in love with Harry Potter
Head over heels for that Harry Potter
I can't believe that she is jealous of our daughter
'Cause my baby's in love with Harry Potter

I knew we were headin' for trouble
When she caught me hangin' out at the Barnes and Noble
Now she's got a crush, and it's sort of tragic
On the adulated, celebrated designated overrated
spokesman for the nonexistent Hogwarts School of Magic

Well, I don't carry broomsticks and I don't wear glasses
And I don't do things like take Transfiguration classes
And I just can't compete with all that money and fame
But I know two can play at this kind of game
Yeah, let's just see if I rise her to anger
When I start stalking Hermione Granger

Well, my baby's in love with Harry Potter
She's all crazy 'bout that Harry Potter
Once she was mine, but now she thinks that he's much hotter
Oh, my baby's in love with--
I said I said I said my baby's in love with Harry Potter
Why'd she have to fall for that Harry Potter?
Now that she has left me I wish I coulda caught her
'Cause my baby's in love with Harry Potter